In times of grief, pain may seem like a way of life and the road to recovery may seem like its light years away. For those who have lost someone close or for those who are mere spectators, here are some tips to help you understand the healing process a little better:
1. Coming to terms: The first step to any sort of recovery is always that of coming to terms with whatever has just happened and accepting the situation. The enormity of your loss may cloud your judgment; therefore give yourself some time to accept the loss.
2. The Voice of Reason: Often, when dealing with great loss, we might try to look for reason and logic to comprehend our misfortune. But, we must remember that our mind needs time to heal as well, to think clearly and see things as they actually are. Hence, do not always look for a logical reasoning as reasons may seem to defy your loss.
3. Retribution: One of the stages that everyone goes through while overcoming the loss of a loved one is that of retribution. Although, it may seem like one way to buy yourself some satisfaction, realize that revenge is a product of shortsightedness and great pain and will never bring you the peace that you are longing for.
4. The big plan: Understand that whatever the calamity that has crossed your path and whatever your losses, all of it are part of a greater plan that has been chalked out for you. You may refuse to see it, but the best way to deal with it is to accept it and step up the pace of recovery.
5. Time factor: Times heals all wounds. As cliched as this saying may sound, there couldn't be more truth in the statement. Time does heal and in a while you will accept your unfortunate loss. You will learn to deal with it and also start believing that whoever you lost is probably in a better place right now. Remember, that by mourning beyond a point, you will only be hurting the person you have lost. Instead, learn to live in the present moment. Let the past stay in the past and the future, in the future. Think, talk and do things for now, that make you feel better and make you happy. It is one sure fire way to a quick recovery.
Very often we may find ourselves stuck in 'deer-in-headlight' kind of situations. Some of us tackle these head on, some sulk and many of us engage in the very verbose act of complaining. If you fall into the last category, here are a few tips to rid you off this pessimism inducing dangerous habit.
1. Accept Life will throw multiple things your way; some you'll welcome with open arms, and some, not so much. Although they might catch you off guard, don't let them disrupt your life. Understand that like most other situations, they too will play their part and then pass.
2. Learn from the life's experiences Some of the most memorable learning in life comes out of unforeseen experiences. Keep in mind that there is always something you can take back from every experience you are a part of.
3. Change your perspective You'll be amazed at how much of a difference a wee bit change in your perspective can make. Try to see the lighter side of things instead of analyzing and asking why. It'll help you get over them faster and help you sleep better.
4. Have faith: The best will come to you Believe that there is a plan chalked out for you, in your favor, either by you or by someone else… someone a little more powerful than you. This will be implemented soon so that things go your way. But as of now, accept that today may not be your day.
5. Know the consequences of complaining As cathartic as complaining might seem, it generates a lot of negative energy. This will adversely affect you as well as those listening to you. Instead, you could just invest this energy into something else more productive to take your mind off things.
Anger is essential to our survival since it is required to stand up for ourselves if ill-treated or to defend ourselves when attacked. Anger becomes unhealthy when it is suppressed for too long which can lead to aggression. We must avoid expressing anger by throwing tantrums or screaming but, instead, calmly expressing it in an appropriate manner, at an appropriate time. Else, it can cause much harm to our health and our relationships with others. Below are some tips to express anger in a healthy manner:
It is perfectly justifiable to be assertive when expressing your anger, but not aggressive. State your point and repeat it, but do not make unnecessarily hurtful and extreme remarks that you will realize you don’t mean as soon as you calm down.
Never let an argument get out of hand – stick to the problem at hand and keep your anger in the present. It is never a good idea to bring up past hurt as this only adds to your anger, and before you know it you are fighting about something that happened years ago and has nothing to do with the current problem.
Never express your anger in the heat of the moment. When you find yourself angriest is when you are likely to say the most hurtful things. Wait a few minutes, breathe deeply, and yes counting down from 10 or a 100 depending on your level of anger really does help! Promise yourself you will utter a word only after this time out.
As a long-term solution, learn about what tends to trigger your anger. Once you know this, you will see a potentially angry bout approaching from a mile away and will be able to avert it by either explaining to the other person that you will not like what they are about to do, or by leaving the situation altogether, for instance, by just leaving the room.
When angry, instead of blindly reacting, ask yourself rational questions such as, “What needs to change in this situation to make me less angry?” or “Is there another way in which I could deal with this situation?” Once you start figuring out answers to such healthy questions, you will find yourself going from reactive mode to solutions-oriented mode.
In life, we are bound to meet annoying people or land up in frustrating situations. In such cases, keeping a tab on our emotions helps us to handle life more responsibly. Anger can be manifested in three ways, by expressing it, suppressing it and by calming down. But when none of these manifestations work, maybe it’s a good idea for you to chalk out an anger management regimen.
Acceptance Is Important: Remember, you cannot control every event, place, situation or person in the world. Things are bound to go wrong, but life still moves on. You have to realize that you cannot always express your anger and not always have things go your way.
Tire Out: When you feel the mercury rising, it’s best to indulge in something that is physically exerting. Go for a jog, a swim, gym work out or play a sport. This way, you vent your anger in a positive manner.
Deep Breathing: Deep breathing, especially through yoga, has amazing effects on anger. That’s why it is highly recommended that when angry, count till 10. Breathing slowly while counting 10 helps in clearing negative thoughts that cloud our mind, which in turn helps us think clearly.
Laugh it off: Use humor to handle situations/people who are beyond your control. There is a fine line between humor and sarcasm. There is no need to hurt someone else just because you’re angry. You’ll be surprised to see how much work can get done with a simple smile on your face instead of a bout of nasty anger.
Forgive And Forget: Forgiveness is the greatest gift you can gift yourself, especially during trying times. Easier said than done, forgiveness releases pent up anger and frustration, which in turn can help you in dealing with difficult situations.