Juhi Dua

Once upon a time, your heart was at ease and all was well in paradise. But increasingly something is unsettling in your mind. You sense a difference in behaviour on your woman’s part and that disorients and hurts you. You know something is radically wrong but you can’t put your finger on it.

Vinod, 29, a consulatnt with a MNC echos this feeling precisely. He says, “Earlier I was always on the top of her mind. I was her priority regardless of what was going on in her world. So if she said that she would come over at 9:00 p.m., I could expect my doorbell to ring at 8:45 p.m. And if she said she was going to hang out with friends, I knew that she wanted me to be right there next to her. But now suddenly she has become too pre-occupied. Her phone is often busy in the night. There is hardly any time in her schedule for me. The warmth in her voice has evaoprated and converstaions have become surfacial and scant. Obviously there is something wrong. I can see it but don’t know what to do.”

So could she be cheating on you?

Yes, the person whom you treated as an extension of your being could also betray you. So figure what is going on. Know she is straying if…

• Her whereabouts are unaccounted for and/or she has several unexpected meetings with people you don't know.
• Sudden nondescript "emergencies" are putting you and your needs on the back burner.
• She is always finding excuses to be away from you.
• She is rarely in a mood for sex and hardly ever wants to try something new with you.
• Even if sex happens, it is different and not as intense as before.
• Her brief kisses and even briefer phone conversations have become empty consolation prizes for her absences and unfulfilled promises.
• She develops an interest in new things, hobbies or even foods and is often on the phone discussing it with someone you don’t know.
• She is constantly cribbing about lack of space in her relatiosnhip with you.
• She aviods talks on commitments and about where your relationship is going.
• She seems distracted while she is with you and phone conversations with an unknown friend often become irritatingly long.

But why is she cheating?

A woman may cheat when something inside her creates a desire to go outside her existing relationship, and this could happen for several reasons ranging from the nature of her relationship to her genes, your behaviour towards her, circumstances and her personality. But what you need to know is that is it about you or is it about her, that makes her cheat or could lead her towards straying.

So what do you do when you think you are being cheated?

1. Ponder over why it may be happening and if it’s about you and not about her (as discussed above), then you could consider making changes in your behaviour towards her. The changes will come very willingly if you really love her and will help save the sanctity of the relationship for sure.
2. Confront your steady if you are sure of her straying. Stay calm yet confident, non-aggressive yet firm, while you do the talking.
3. Do not cheat back in an effort to make her jealous or to evoke a confrontation from her end.
4. If your relationship has deteriorated to the point that you fear her straying then figure if you want to keep this relationship at all.

Remember that love is all about trusting and caring. When doubts start taking over, it might just be hinting the start of a long winding travel to a dead end relationship. So be careful about where your bond leads you. Put in your best into it and the best should come back to you. If it doesn’t, be perceptive and smart enough to move on in time. Life is too short to be shared with someone who cheats!