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tips4me.com - marriage

MARRIAGE

SHOULD YOU MARRY HIM?

Juhi Dua


You are ready to take your relationship to the next level but you are still wondering if your boy friend can make the right husband for you? Worry not. Though there is no fool proof test to this, here are 5 parameters you should look at, to help you arrive at your final call.

1. Love: how deep is it?
Are you really in love with him or are you just in a relationship with him because you needed a boy friend for convenience and for social reasons? This is a serious question and deserves serious thinking. If you are convinced about your love for him, the next question to ponder over is whether he really loves you? This could be even more important than your love for him. If he does not love you enough, getting through the path of life post marriage could become a nightmare.

2. Compatibility factor
Opposites attract but do they stay happily ever after? What happens when the attraction diminishes and reality kicks in? Analyse whether you will be able to stay forever with this guy and learn to love his idiosyncrasies. Also, will he be tolerant towards your quirks and will he get used to your lifestyle preferences? Do not underestimate the power of compatibility because incompatibility makes love wear off rather fast.

3. Settled or struggling
Does he earn less than you? Does it bother you? What if you get pregnant and leave you job post marriage? Will he still be able to provide you with the lifestyle you prefer? If not, will it affect you adversely? Though it may seem far-fetched at this stage, it is advisable to be practical sometimes and think ahead on such stuff before you take your final decision.

4. Sex, lies and friends
Does he need to hang out with his pals alone often? Do you feel that he lies to you over petty issues? Does a wild party with 20 friends define his idea of a romantic evening? Do your friends dislike him and feel uncomfortable around him? If answer to most of these questions is yes, your guy may not be husband material at all.

5. Your dreams, your expectations Forget about the power, the money, the hot looks et all that your guy may be blessed with and just ask yourself if your boyfriend is like the prince charming you always dreamt of marrying. Does he match the image of the dream partner etched on your heart, the one that you had been waiting for, for all these years? If yes, he’s the one for you.

Remember, tying the knot means creating a permanent bond of commitment, love, and trust. Take the step only when you are really sure. After all, getting stuck in a bad relationship and then planning an escape is not what you deserve. So, take your time before you agree to take the vows.
 

MARRYING OUTSIDE YOUR RELIGION

Juhi Dua


If you are religious, your religion has probably molded your thinking and ideologies. Living with a person who has a completely different set of ideologies can be difficult. Here are a few tips to help you in your relationship with a guy who belongs to a different faith.

1. Respect his religion: Whatever it may be, his religion is important to him and he is important to you. You may not agree with his rituals but the least you can do is not criticize them, as this may hurt your relationship.

2. Be familiar with his customs: There is no harm in knowing a little more about his religion and its customs. This will ensure that you don’t unknowingly hurt him or his family. Don’t be afraid to bombard him with questions. This only tells him you are making an effort.

3. Celebrate his festivals: Your participation in his festivals will make him feel touched and will encourage him to do the same. Remember to wish him, buy him a gift, and maybe even follow the customs. You will be surprised to see the results of your efforts.

4. Know what’s in store for you: An inter-religious marriage is no bed of roses and usually requires adjustment and change. You may have to get married as per his customs and adjust to his family who may expect you to follow their conventions. Consider all these aspects when arriving at the big decision.

5. Be willing to mingle with his community: Mingling with his community may take some getting used to but will help you in the long run to bond with the extended family. For instance, attending mass at his church or langar at the gurudwara may become part of your routine. Your open-mindedness will only strengthen your relationship.

If you follow these tips and make some efforts, you will find your husband opening up to your faith as well, which will lead to a marriage of tremendous diversity and tolerance!
 

LOVE DON’T COME EASY


People talk about love at first sight. More often than not it is lust that people mistake for love. True love doesn’t come all that easily. One has to constantly work towards building a relationship. One has to get to know the person, accept him for what he is and then if you still feel the same towards that one special person, then you can assure yourself that you have indeed found love, true love!
 

CHOOSING A LIFE PARTNER?


There is no get it right formula for choosing a life partner. But here are some of the issues you should look at:
• Do you vibe well? It is not necessary that both partners should have the same likes and dislikes, but they should be able to get along very well
• Are you able to understand each other and empathise with each others problems
• Weigh expectations from each other, and make sure that neither has strong delusions
• Mutual honesty is a must (not that one has to confess everything that happened in the past, but there should be a fair degree of openness of the present)
• Understand that you cannot have everything and be prepared for compromises

Do NOT opt for someone who you think you can change to your liking in the future.
 

IS LOVE ENOUGH TO MAKE IT LAST?


Sometimes, even if two people love each other, they may not be right for each other. Sounds like a contradiction? Not really. Our society assumes that if two people are in love, they should get married. But then what happens after marriage? In many cases, it becomes difficult to spot that love.

Sure, love is definitely needed for a lasting relationship. But what we’re saying is that love is no guarantee that a person is right for us. The problems start when we try to make each other right. Either we change ourselves too much (to meet our partner’s needs) or our partners change themselves too much. And eventually we stop liking who we have become.

So, instead of becoming more loving, we just stop growing --- and instead of the relationship bringing out the best in us it brings out the worst. So, along with love remember that you also have to ensure that for marriage you need to find a person who is `right’ for you.
 

IS HE MR. RIGHT?


Well, you have been dating this Mr. Nice for some time now and everyone including mommy dearest feels he is a perfect match for you. But try hard as you may, you cannot decide on this one. Is he playing Jekyll and Hyde with me? Is he really as nice as he appears to be? Will I know the real him in 1 month? Will his true side come to the fore in 6 months? Is there such a thing as love at first sight? Such and similar questions keep haunting most of us, teetering on the threshold of 'should I? should I not?'

You may or may not be able to find a fool proof solution to these issues, but there are a few truths that hold true in almost all cases. For starters do not rush into a relationship. Take your time in knowing the person (time frame varies and there is no such thing as an 'ideal time schedule') before you commit yourself to the person.

Observing the person will help you understand his behaviour and how he handles issues like stress, tension and pressures.

Quick engagements seldom if at all work, so try and avoid these if you can.

Time and instinct peppered with a healthy dose of common sense should help you decide if you are going to be 'compatible' with the other person.

 As a general observation, most couples can decide within six to eight months if they are compatible enough for the march to the altar.


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