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- Juhi Dua

Fights in any relationship are inevitable and are in fact essential. An old axiom says it all, "The dirtiest fighter is the one who refuses to fight at all." Someone who refuses to address the issue and pushes the matter under the carpet always is simply collecting a lot of dirt that is bound to turn into a storm one day and blow the relationship away.

So, go ahead and fight with your man to resolve a matter, to achieve better understanding. But, keep certain rules in mind to ensure that these fights do not permanently damage your relationship...

1. Do not yell, abuse or threat
Name calling or yelling at each other is simply not acceptable. Also, do not threaten your partner with consequences such as deserting him or hurting yourself as these tantamount to emotional blackmail and should have no place in a relationship so sacred.

2. Do not involve the families
This will make your fight dirty and very complicated. So, let the families be. Talk about just you and him and derive a solution between the two of you.

3. Stay focused and do not blame
Don't bring in other issues from the past just to win the current argument. Don't blame him either, as this is equivalent to passing a judgment and is bound to make him defensive. Instead, stay focused on the issue at hand and work at arriving at a solution for the same. When you don't stick to the point and transform it into a general "you are no goodĒ campaign, your partner will be first irritated then will start contributing to the mess by highlighting what he does not like about you as well. So, give it a skip altogether.

4. Never sleep without resolving the issue
Longer you and your partner burn in the heat of an argument, tougher it becomes to end it. Also, if you sleep over a fight when will you have fun making up?

5. Learn to apologize
This is the most important rule of fighting, which when not followed, can seriously damage your bond. If you know you are wrong, you must accept and apologize. You will be surprised at how easily your man will be willing to forgive and forget.

After all, by fighting dirty you are only wounding yourself more and creating permanent rifts. On the other hand, by fighting fairly, you begin to understand each other better and reach undiscovered levels of intimacy. So ladies, choose wisely!



In most relationships, when you just start dating, things seem to be heavenly. But after a while (especially after you just get married) you might find that you are fighting all the time. Yet, you can't let go. The problem is that you love him a lot, it's just that you hate the fights. Don't worry. If you donít and proudly proclaim so then maybe you need to rethink a bit. Couples who fight a lot have a ball of time making up. Yes, thereís a lot of emotion involved but at the end thereís deep love which surfaces.

Firstly, you need to know that itís perfectly ok to have a fight. When you just fall in love, you are blinded to the negative sides of your lover. But as the love settles down, these qualities--habits, attitudes, behaviour, etc.--become apparent. This is because when you just fall in love both of you tend to agree on everything, because you do not want to lose one another.

But when the love becomes secure, both of you are now ready to voice your opinions. Thatís how you are going to know more about your partner. His temper tantrums, his behaviour say a lot about him. However, you need not get down to fisticuffs over trivial matters. Fights can and should be about beliefs. So fights do not, repeat, and do not mean that he does not love you any more.

Just work through the fights, learn to respect each other's opinions and always be prepared for ups and downs. In a good relationship couples only land up getting closer together even after major upheavals. You need to respect your partnerís opinion but not necessarily agree with it. After all, you love him for what he is. Such fights are very insightful because they bare all the innermost feelings of the people involved and it is important for you to know about your partnerís inner feelings.

Fights can be stimulating, your reaction and your willingness to learn from him are key factors. Even if the fight was for a very trivial matter, you can have a ball of a time making up. Thereís no saying about passionate fights!
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