So your man has been asking you to move into a house with him and you donít know what to do. Decision to live in is not an easy one to take. Being in love is great but taking care of his clothes, food, shoes and coping with his idiosyncrasies, his friends, his quirks etc. may not be so cool. Nevertheless, itís an idea that is bound to excite you and is very practical in the world where all relationships are governed by our work schedules and the resulting lack of time. But how do you figure if you are ready for a live in?
Go through these questions... - Are you spending all your free time, every minute that you can, with each other? - Do you spend weekends together at his or your place? - Are you through with the six month itch and know that you wonít get bored of him so easily? - Are you sure you donít want to date anyone else and that you are content with him and him alone? - Do you feel an ardent desire to return to him post work every evening? - Is your day is incomplete without words from him, his caress and his touch?
If your answer to most of these questions is yes then you may be ready for a live in after all. But do not take the decision in haste.
A live-in has long-term repercussions on the relationship so it's worth weighing the advantages and disadvantages of the situation before you take the leap.
Expenses You get to share expenses and suddenly all your expenditure is halved. You will also grow a little more responsible about money since the lifestyle of both of you will depend on how you and he manage your money together. But you must ensure that money doesnít become a point of arguments between the two of you.
The real him When you are just dating its easy for him to hide how messy or unorganized he is or how much time he takes for his morning ablutions. But once you start living together you are able to explore every nuance of your significant others personality, a chance to get acquainted with the real person.
Companionship If you are the kind who doesnít love to be alone then you will like the constant companionship in a live-in. but if you like your space then the constant presence of someone around you might bother you, at least initially till you get used to it.
Marriage plans Since you've already anticipated most of the pleasures of marriage, when you do decide to get married, there really isn't that much to look forward to. Thus, as a couple you can settle into this state of "unwedded bliss" and put off marriage indefinitely. If you have always imagined a marriage and are secretly waiting for it then it could pose a problem.
Shipping out Since there are no prenuptial agreements or marriage contracts you can walk away without any of the legal hassles that arise in a divorce post marriage. On an emotional level there is no trauma of going through a divorce but the trauma of a break up is no less really. But yes, it can be safely said that it's much easier to love and leave in a live-in.
A few more attached issues you must consider before the plunge
Your parents and you The most significant of the issues attached to live-in is breaking the news to your folks. You can choose to tell them if they are really avant-garde in their thinking. But most folks wonít accept it. So donít tell them what they are not asking. You are a big girl and taking your own decisions is only fair.
His parents and you What if he insists on telling his parents simply because he has never hidden anything from them? The answer is no, you must not let him. Even if he says they are pretty cool and wonít mind it you must not let him spill the beans because they will be cool with what their son does but they will not really respect the girl involved.
Society and you Another issue is societyís reaction towards you. Are you ready for the eyeballs because people are bound to find out your live-in status sooner or later? Indian society is still not mature enough to respect live-in so be sure that you are ok about being perceived as the bad girl.
You and him and the house work You also must discuss division of work with your partner. It sounds petty now but will become important and indispensable once you both are together. Meals, laundry, maintenance of the house, cleanliness, everything will become a chore waiting to be done and could become a reason for discontent.
Any relationship asks for adjustments. This one will too. Be ready for giving in a lot to make this work and donít feel that itís just a live-in and not marriage so if it doesnít work I can move out. Walk in with the intention of taking it ahead. Its love thatís pulling you together so donít consider live-in as a no strings attached situation. Respect the bond and you could live happily ever after.
So he has re-entered your life and you seem to be dreaming again about him, just like you did in the past. But remember that getting back again after having fallen out once comes with its own set of baggage. Depending on the reasons of separation, getting back with your ex may make sense in certain cases but in others it may prove to be extremely foolish. So be sure that your patch up after a break up is done only for the right reasons.
5 right reasons to get back with your ex
1. You love him still You truly love him and this isnít just a phase because youíre bored or lonely. You always loved him but wasnít sure of your future together and this led to your parting ways. But if this time youíre willing to make the commitment and can trust that both of you will do whatever it takes to make it work then it may be worth a try. You will need to sort out whatever issues you had leftover from last time so they donít hang around like a bad smell!
2. He loves you too and wants this as much as you do Mutual love and understanding is very important. Donít complicate things by falling in the trap of a one-sided love affair. But if he has confessed his love to you clearly and is focused on making this relationship work then a patch up is a perfect option.
3. You both are now more mature to handle a serious relationship You may have been too young to get into a long-term commitment then and a serious relationship may have been the last thing on your mind. One of the more common reasons for a breakup is the need to be single to figure your future without any bindings and to explore your independence. When youíve done that and have come to the realization that heís the best guy for you, then itís a good idea to get back together.
4. He makes you feel comfortable like no other You are never so much at ease with anyone else. You know his habits and quirks at the back of your hand and he knows everything about you and likes you anyway. Thereís no games to play, he knows the kind of snuggle you like and you love his familiar smell. He knows what gets you and he fits into your group of friends like a glove because they already know him. This is definitely an encouraging reason to get back.
5. Youíre still really good friends A relationship is essentially a friendship set on fire. Of course, you still need to desire him physically and want to be with him exclusively otherwise what you have is a real friendship and nothing more. But friendship as a base for love works wonderfully and if thatís what you have on hand then get back and celebrate love.
5 reasons to never consider him again
1. He cheated on you If he was dishonest, heís not going to change so why would you want to walk into a relationship knowing that you might face a betrayal once again? A relationship based on lies is the last thing you deserve.
2. Youíre lonely If you are getting back to the man who has hurt you once or who does not mean much to you emotionally, then stop right here. Agreed that loneliness can take its toll on just about everyone and its nice to have someone to call at the end of the day and to cuddle up to on those rainy days, but it still isnít a reason valid enough for patching up. Donít do it! Youíll soon enough realize that feeling alone when youíre in a relationship is far worse than being single.
3. He still loves you and you have nobody else If you walked out on him and he didnít want you to then itís likely that he will continue to pursue you. But if you decide to get back simply because you havenít found Mr. Wonderful and he is still pursuing you, then you are just about to do the meanest thing. You have no right to hurt him by faking love and commitment because you will be ready to walk out at the slightest opportunity of a better guy.
4. The Ďsparkí isnít there Donít do it just because you both are comfortable with each other and familiar with each otherís ways. That craving for each other is very important for a relationship to stay vibrant. If isnít there, there is no point trying again.
5. Differences differences all the way Whatever issues led to your break up Ė whether he desired more space or you wanted to go travel and he didnít, if you havenít talked it through and they are still around, there is no point in pretending it can work this time.
Whatever you do, be sure that you are headed for a re-bound. Fall in love only to be ecstatic!
You: canít seem to enjoy yourself socially when he isnít by your side.
He: has a blast at a party, a game of cricket or a drink at the pub.
You: havenít met your friends in ages.
He: meets his buddies once a week.
ÖAnd you spend every waking moment thinking of him.
Sounds familiar? The truth is that you have become emotionally dependent on your Ďotherí. Obviously you are more committed to the relationship. This may be because:
You love him more than he does you. ē He is not ready to make a commitment yet. The result of such a lack of balance in your equation is a gradual build up of resentment from both ends. Thereís no ideal solution, but consider cooling off for a while until you are both ready for the next step. ē Take These Steps ASAP! ē Call him less often and give him space by being less inquisitive about what he does 24-hours a day. ē Remember, one can never change their relationship, only themselves. So, take a genuine interest in the neglected areas of your life (and not merely to spite him). ē Keep your options open. Meet other men. This last step will add to your confidence levels and leave you feeling a lot more desirable!