All of us experience the same dating woes time and again. So this time we got our relationship expert Agony Aunt to answer some FAQ’s on dating.
Q: I’ve met someone interesting, but is he good enough to marry? Anisha K., Mumbai
AA: Every one of us owes it to ourselves to know the person we intend to marry a little better. Envision how life would be with this person. Would it be hollow, cold, warm, exciting, boring…then decide if he is the one. Also discuss what both of you want in the long run. We also owe it to ourselves to prize all that we have achieved by getting an education before diving headlong into matrimony.
Q: I like this guy, but I don’t think he likes me because I’m overweight. Maya L., Hyderabad
AA: What balderdash! Chubbiness is not a sin. Logically speaking, if a guy doesn’t like you because you are fat, he’s not worth the heartbreak anyways! In that case its time to move on and but before jumping to conclusions, ascertain his feelings for you. 1) Ask him directly 2) Hint, ask him out, spend more time together (you may be left guessing forever!) 3) Request a friend to intervene and subtly ascertain his feelings for you.
Q: Should I continue dating someone even if there is no chemistry? Andrea, Toronto
AA: Most of us tend to have pre-conceived notions about chemistry. True passion grows out of a meeting of the souls, and doesn’t necessarily develop overnight. In fact, instant chemistry could very well be short-lived. If there’s no chemistry between you and your date, concentrate on knowing the person as an individual and don’t force yourself to be physically attracted. Sometimes it takes a while for those fireworks to go off....
Q: I love this guy who stays in Pune. I have mailed him and called him a no. of time, but he doesn’t reciprocate. When I did touch base with him, he said that he was very busy and did not have time to stay in touch. I fear losing him to another woman, and often feel like running away to Pune to be with him. Please advise S, Mumbai
AA: Heard of the adage, `distance making the heart grow fonder’? Well here’s another—Too much distance could actually make your heart wander! Why waste your charm and energy on a guy who is not interested? Take the hint and move on. There are more exciting fish in the sea!
Q: I am living in with a guy (for the past 5 months). We are seeing each other since a year. He says he is not ready for marriage. I'm waiting, but how long should I wait? He is very caring and very loving, but every time I bring up the subject, he just smiles and changes the topic. He isn't saying no but he isn't saying yes either! Gitanjali, Noida
AA: Relax, having a conversation related to marriage with a guy is not much different from talking about a beach to an Eskimo! I don’t blame you for getting worried, though. For many men, the word marriage conjures up horrible images of rules, regulations, and imprisonment.
•Your first task is to convince your man that marriage is about caring and sharing. •Don't preach all this to him at one shot. (that's a surefire prescription to ensure that he runs away). Work on him gradually. •Also start teaching him the virtues of restraint, risk and reward: Don't yield to him every time he wants you in bed (even though you want it). •The objective should be for him to realise that you can't get everything without giving up something (freedom, in his case). Eventually, he should come in line. •Of course, there's a slim chance of him wanting out. But if he does that, he isn't worth it, right? As long as you are firm about marriage, you should stick to your guns, come hell or high-water.