I received this query sometime back on arranged marriage and thought I should share it with you…

Curious: I might be getting an arranged marriage soon. Can you tell me if it is right to tell your husband about your past relationships and about how far you went physically? Because I have been out with three guys so far and have also had to have an abortion with one of them. I really don’t know what the right thing to do is. If I tell him then I don’t know how he'd react(he might end up hating me for the rest of his life) and then again if I don’t then I'd be lying to him. Also if you advice me not to tell him then what do I do? (For e.g. when he asks me on the first night if I’m a virgin?) and will it not be obvious the way I am (physically) that he'd know that I’m experienced? You have helped me out in the past ...and I love you for that. Please help me out again. Thank you very much...

Here was my answer…

Hi Curious. I'm glad to be of help to you and genuinely hope that you have a happy marriage. First of all I must tell you that there is hardly anyone without a past these days. Everyone goes through relationships that do not work out, these are learning experiences that help us grow and evolve into mature human beings. About your beau, I would personally advice you to be honest, because a relationship between a wife and husband must be cemented by trust and honesty. But then again, it really depends on the mentality of the guy. Is he open-minded or conservative? Maybe what you could do is ask him if he has had any past relationships and see if he confides in you. You never know, he might be pondering over the same issues as you are! If he does, then you could let him know that you have liked/seen other guys and things didn't quite work out. If he has not had any girlfriends etc, then you'll have to decide whether you want to take the risk of being honest. If you are and he blows his top, are you sure you want to spend the rest of your life with a guy like him??? In any case many arranged marriages today have taken on a new avatar, where both the partners can be honest and what's more, both partners have had their share of love trouble. So don't fret too much. Fate already has it's plan in store for you. Go with the flow and whatever happens at no point must you feel bad about your past relationships. They are part and parcel of who you are today. Good luck!

Warm Regards,
Agony Aunt

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